confession time

Your emotions make you human. Even the unpleasant ones have a purpose.Don’t lock them away. If you ignore them they get louder and angrier.

~Sabaa Tahir, A Torch Against the Night

In the past few days, I have struggled with my emotions. Intense fear mixed with anxiety kicking in. There has been a buildup to my current state of mind. Looking back, I can see that. But when you are in the moment, you often don’t get the benefit of hindsight. So finally I am letting it all out, I don’t want to keep it bottled in any longer before I hurt myself.

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When the lockdown in Lagos started, I wasn’t distraught. I saw it has a chance to get so many things done. Then reality woke me up. I live in a country where electricity is not a regular thing. Yet as a writer working from home, I needed light to get my work done.

Needless to say that after a few weeks of trying to stay motivated and keep showing up. I slowly started to feel the drain in my spirit.

Then Easter came around, and I took the time to reflect, and I am thankful for that. I was able to post a few things here on this blog. But then my emotions got a beaten a week ago. Why? Well, in many parts of Lagos, there is the issue of the gangs trying to cause havoc in communities, and then fear came again.

It’s hard to sleep at night, I can hear the noise of the whistles as the men of my community protect their families. I am thankful that they are doing so. However, I worry about their safety.

However, I am not going to give in to despair. Yet, I will acknowledge it and realize where these emotions are coming from. I started reading a devotional this morning called Finding God in the Hard Places. An excellent topic for these trying times. It’s a 7 day devotional. I have already been blessed. In the next post, I will share what I got from today’s devotional reading.

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“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

~ Philippians 4:6-7

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