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My Emotional Meltdown: A Journey to growth

It’s two months since I had to learn to deal with an emotional meltdown.

It’s amazing how things can be so different in such a short space of time.

I woke up that Monday morning feeling out of sorts. Now those who know me know I am not a morning person. Thankfully I had learnt a long time ago the art of waking up early from my days at boarding school both in Nigeria and Zambia.

However, this particular Monday, I was floundering. Mentally, I wasn’t okay, and it was seeping out to the surface.

So Why Did I have an emotional meltdown?

There was no electricity for five days in a row. That meant my phone and my laptop were dead long before that Monday morning.

Down the drain had gone all my plans to catch up on my stuff and office work.

I am usually the optimistic and cheerful person that sees the glass half full, so what happened on this Monday morning was unusual and unexpected.

I had not realised that I had been keeping in my frustrations and pretending everything was alright.

Well, my mind finally had enough, and the dam broke loose, and emotions came flooding out.

The world was suddenly dark and grey, and I saw no good in it. I felt like a loser and a failure. It was the beginning of the week, and I was unprepared and yet I was supposed to be a leader.

Things came undone as I tried to untwist my twists and pack them into a puff.

I started muttering to myself: I repeated the phrase, “I am not okay several times.

I looked at my watch, and it only made things worse because now I was running late.

Again I muttered, I am not okay, and I don’t care anymore.

Then I worked out of my room looking so miserable. It must have been written all over my face because my Auntie stopped me and said, you can’t go out like that.

I sat there in the living room as they prayed for me.

I was so thankful for the prayers; as I needed them because moving around Lagos is not for the faint of heart.

It took a few hours before the vapour of disillusion cleared from my mind.

The Lessons I Learned

  • Don’t deny your feelings. If you are feeling sad about a situation, acknowledge your sadness. The mistake I made was I swept my feelings away. The problem is it boomeranged in my face.
  • Take time to rest your mind. We often focus on resting our bodies, and we forget our minds also need rest. I use my mind a lot for the job I do. Sadly, I had overworked my mind to the detriment of my wellbeing.
  • Take time to feed your soul. I realised I had taken shortcuts when it came to spending time with God. Ordinarily, that’s where my strength comes from. Yet over some time, I had settled into this space where I tried to handle things independently.

Since the emotional breakdown, I have made specific changes. First thing I spend more time during my quiet time with God. I also play a lot of worship songs to put me in the space for worship.

Another thing is I now spend the weekends relaxing even if there are so many things to do. I only have one body, and I will do all I can to ensure it helps me fulfil my purpose and destiny.

photo of woman standing on sunflower field

“Should I write about how badly shattered I am?
Or carve the words of what’s next?

I have million emotions to write about my breakdown,
To scream out aloud,
To be heard,
to me have said!

But I simply choose to write one word ‘Hope’
When I think of my Journey.. Ahead!”
― Somya Kedia

Have you ever experienced an emotional meltdown What lessons did you take away from your experience?

2 thoughts on “My Emotional Meltdown: A Journey to growth

  1. Lessons I have learned: I am not perfect, I cannot please everyone, I will not always get everything done every day on my to do list, I am bound to make mistakes, I need to rely more on God for strength vs my own human strength, I am more on edge/more vulnerable at a certain time of month (wink wink), and prayer/time in the word is important food for my soul.

  2. This blog post was such a blessing to me. God sent this message to me from your experiences and talent in writing at a time I very much need to hear this message. Thank you, Bethany.

    I agree with the lessons you learned, and am glad you had your Auntie to pray over you in your time of need. I am currently in a situation where someone is denying my right to feel my feelings because they take it personally and want to “fix” everything. So they get made when all they need to do is to love and emphathize. That is a hard place to be. Relying on God as our father–and knowing that He empathizes with us, is all we really need. Let us always remember that. Your sister in Christ, Kara

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